關於 dirty jokes in english ，我們在網路上蒐集到這些相關的討論、資訊與評價

Baca Ini Jika Tak Pandai Bahasa Inggeris

Kepada korang yang dah pandai bahasa Inggeris boleh abaikan surat ini. Biarkan abang ajar kepada korang korang yang lain.

Semua sedia maklum bahasa Inggeris itu penting kerana banyak sekali sumber ilmu yang dapat dirujuk dalam bahasa ini.

Wikipedia yang menjadi rujukan terbesar pun paling banyak artikel ditulis dalam bahasa Inggeris. Begitu juga kalau korang berniat untuk menyelamatkan dunia, maka ‘kerja’ itu akan jadi lebih mudah bila korang pandai English. InshaAllah berjaya terutamanya jika korang expert like a crazy pig (pandai gila babi).

Nota: Gila babi bukan digunakan untuk menghina tapi untuk menujukkan rasa kagum yang teramat iaitu kagum gila babi. Harap maklum.

Berbalik pada topik utama. Dipendekkan cerita, dulu abang mayat adalah seorang Melayu yang agak malas untuk belajar bahasa Inggeris. Mungkin pada zaman itu, PM belum mewajibkan lagi pelajaran matematik dan sains dalam bahasa Inggeris. Lagipun pada masa itu belum ada internet, maka abang membuat endah tak endah dengan pentingnya BI (alasan semuanya itu).

Sehinggalah pada suatu hari, abang mayat melihat sekumpulan budak-budak Punk ketawa selepas membaca tulisan di dinding tandas terutama bila ada F word. Hal ini membuatkan abang iri hati dengan kelebihan ilmu mereka dan ditambah pula dengan ramainya pendosa dari luar negara yang datang ke Malaysia, maka abang memulakan langkah to improve my English sebagai salah satu kaedah yang lebih cepat dalam usaha menyelamatkan dunia. InshaAllah!

Bak kata pepatah:

“Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator.” (Lemony Snicket)

Namun, oleh kerana abang dah lama habis sekolah dan datang dari keluarga yang kurang berkemampuan, maka abang belajar bahasa Inggeris dengan cara sendiri.

Sekarang, berkat usaha gigih, karisma, dedikasi dan integriti... err… kejap! Cerita ini bukanlah nak bercerita tentang abang yang pandai English gila babi, tapi cerita tentang bagaimana kita boleh cepat pandai dalam bahasa itu. Bila cepat tiada lagi istilah ‘hot-hot chicken shit’.

Kalau mahu belajar apa-apa bahasa, perkara pertama adalah korang kena ada kamus sendiri. Korang kena beli kamus dan bawa ke mana sahaja. Kalau boleh hafal satu kamus. Jika dulu nabi digelar ‘al-Quran bergerak’, sekarang giliran korang pula menjadi ‘kamus bergerak’. Jika ada kawan bertanya, what is inception? Terus dapat jawab, the Nolam film in the beginning blah blah...nampak tak?

Abang tahu, korang lemah BI bukan sebab bodoh tetapi korang tak tahu makna dan malas menghafal kerana dalam otak sudah ditanam ‘tak tahu English pun boleh hidup juga’ atau ‘malaikat dalam kubur tak tanya dalam bahasa Inggeris’. Bukankah dalam syurga lebih afdal cakap Arab? Arghh… malas nak cerita bab ni. Apa kata korang buang persepsi itu. Jangan jadikan itu alasan dan halangan.

Abang juga hairan kenapa pelajar dalam kelas English jarang bawa kamus. Masalah utama korang adalah tak tahu makna. Jadi, kalau tak tahu kenalah beli kamus dan hafal. Itu kunci yang pertama!

“Don't be so humble, you are not that great.” (Golda Meir)

Dah ada kamus? Sekarang pergi beli buku nota untuk mencatat perkataan yang tak faham sewaktu membaca dan sebelum tidur hafal balik perkataan baru tadi.

Jadi korang akan ada dua buku, satu adalah kamus dan satu lagi buku nota yang akan menjadi kamus peribadi kerana korang akan mencatat perkataan baru dan tak tahu makna sahaja. Lama kelamaan, buku nota itu akan menjadi tebal dan korang dah tak perlu merujuk kamus lagi.

Untuk permulaan, Pilih bahn bacaan yang mudah dahulu. Kalau boleh ambil bahan bacaan budak tadika, baca dan faham makna keseluruhan cerita. Selepas itu, baca buku budak sekolah rendah pula, seterusnya buku sekolah menengah, lirik lagu, dialog film, dan akhirnya bacalah novel Inggeris sebelum membaca tafsir al-Quran dalam bahasa Inggeris.

Abang masih ingat apabila baru berkecimpung dalam dunia internet, rasa teruja sungguh. Begitu banyak sumber ilmu yang boleh kita terokai. Buka sahaja Wikipedia bermacam-macam cerita yang boleh dibaca. Cukuplah ada wiki.. Ilmu tak bertepi.. perghhh!

Waktu tu pun baru tahu apa itu Rotten Tomatoes, siapa Maddox, imdb info dan banyak lagi istilah baru. Tetapi sebelum itu kenalah pandai English dulu!

Bila dah pandai, boleh mula berniat untuk berdakwah ke peringkat antarabangsa. Bukan setakat dari Perlis sampai ke Sabah saja perjuangan kita. Think BIG dan langkah kita akan besar tapi jika Think SMALL maka langkah pun akan small.

Contoh: Jika korang fikir habis belajar nanti cukuplah dapat bekerja makan gaji di company yang stabil, maka perjalanan hidup akan terhad kepada kerja lapan jam sehari, lima hari seminggu dan menunggu dinaikkan pangkat. Tetapi jika korang fikir mahu berbisnes, mencipta produk, menggaji pekerja, kayakan diri sendiri dan membuat sesuatu yang bermakna, maka perjalanan hidup korang akan luas tiada penghujungnya. Tapi sebelum nak mendapatkan semua ini, kenalah pandai bahasa penjajah!

“To stay around (if you dot want to go far), learn bahasa tempatan. To go futher, learn bahasa penjajah!” (Hamka Kereta Mayat)

Jadi Abang memang rajin baca Wikipedia. Sambil baca sambil buka kamus, (sekarang dah ada Google Translate lagi senang). Selepas itu abang beli akhbar The Star, komik English (sekarang banyak yang online) dan juga kitab karangan Maulana Yusof Mutakhab, hadis versi English. Baca, baca dan baca…

Dari dulu abang suka tengok movie. Selesai tengok movie, abang akan baca sinopsis atau plot cerita dalam bahasa Inggeris untuk tahu penggunaan ayat. Mana yang tak faham abang akan catat dan hafal pada waktu makan. Begitu juga dengan komik Dragonball dan GTO, walaupun dah khatam dalam bahasa Melayu, abang baca pula versi bahasa Inggeris di internet.

Bila berjalan abang akan bawa kamus, (sekarang cuma perlu download aplikasi ke dalam telefon) jika nampak tulisan yang diconteng di dinding tandas awam dalam bahasa Inggeris, abang akan buka kamus dan ketawa dalam slang English jika lawak itu bermutu tinggi.

Contoh lawak di dinding tandas;

‘A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.’ (Lana Turner)

Untuk lebih cepat pandai, abang pinjam dua buku dari perpustakaan awam iaitu versi Melayu dan Inggeris. Kedua-dua buku itu abang akan baca dan bandingkan. Antara buku yang abang buat begitu adalah How To Win Friends & Influence People tulisan Dale Carnegie, Rich Dad Poor Dad dan banyak buku popular lain.

Untuk dapat saham di dunia dan akhirat pula, abang baca buku islamik yang ada dua versi BM dan BI seperti buku tafsir dan hadis. Kedua-dua buku itu abang baca dan bandingkan. Ada juga waktunya isteri abang akan membaca taklim dalam BM dan ayah semak dalam BI.

Contoh hadis bahasa Inggeris yang dipetik dari A Selection of Hadith;

Nabi said: He is wise and shrew who takes account of himself and prepares for what is after death. And he is weak and incapable who follows his desires and yet pins high hopes on Allah’s Mercy. (Tirmidhi)

Kadang kadang abang kaji falsafah Inggeris:

“Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.” (Bill Gates)

Ada masanya apabila menonton filem, abang akan fokus pada subtitiles dan gunakan dalam kehidupan seharian. Contoh petikan dialog daripada filem Bujang Lapuk (The Three Bachelor Warriors).

Aziz : Probably, that house that you mentioned, has anyone occupied it yet?

Sudin : Which house ?

Aziz : That house, the one that you kept talking about.

Sudin : Oh, that house. It's still vacant ... if we apply for it, we'll get it.

Aziz : How many rooms, Din ?

Sudin : I saw three rooms.

Aziz : That's good. Each of us can have a room to himself. Are they large ?

Sudin : Not very. But it's long, 7 feet ... about 3 feet long and 7 feet deep.

Aziz : Quite big, huh, there's even depth..that's A GRAVE !

Woha!

Bila dah naik sheikh, ada juga abang cuba menyanyi lagu Melayu dalam Bahasa English seperti lagu;

Sekadar Di Pinggiran - Just at the Edge
Menaruh Harapan - Pinning on Hope
Kau Kunci Cintaku Di Dalam Hatimu - You are the Key to My Love in Your Heart
Takdir Dan Waktu - Fate and Time
Pada Syurga Di Wajahmu - Your Heavenly Face
Teratai Layu Di Tasik Madu - Dying Lotus in the Honey Lake
Tanya Sama Itu Hud Hud - Ask the Woodpecker
Cinta Beralih Arah - Love Turns Away
Jerat Percintaan - Love Trap
Balqis - Queen of Sheba
Rela Ku Pujuk - I'm Willing to Entice
Gemilang - Glory
Terlalu Istimewa - Too Special
Awan Nano - Nano Cloud
Terukir Di Bintang - Etched In the Stars
Bahagiamu Deritaku - Your Happiness is My Pain

Kalau masih tak faham lagi, di sini abang copy paste satu lagu yang paling abang suka nyanyi dulu.

Aci-Aci, open the door,
Nana come back at one a.m,
Don't be afraid of the owl,
Nana bring Semambu of cane.

Nana Nana, come home rush,
Aci afraid to be all alone,
There's a ghost behind the house,
Shifty eyes and a striped nose long.

Aci aci, don't be afraid,
Nana have Oh! a stunt machete,
Ghost and demons will be afraid,
See the machete, surely they desperated!

If Nana, just say so,
Then my heart is calm so-so,
If come again, ghost and demons,
Aci will beat them with a brooms!

(Lirik tibai, mintak tolong cikgu Inggeris betulkan)

Lagu lain:. suci dalam.debu.

Alkisahnya Lagu suci dalam debu popular waktu abang tingkatan satu.

Naik bas pergi sekolah driver putar lagu ni.

Abang waktu tu ada minat sorang awek pandai English bernama Adibah nor(typo nama sebenar), jadi abang translate lagu Iklim versi English dan bagi kat dia.

Tapi cinta abang ditolak. Mungkin sebab kesalahan grammar abang yang telus sangat. Ha ha

Clean in dust!

(Sila Nyanyi ikut rentak asal)

You just like a clean water
In the glass with dust
Even the dirty.... you can see
Beautiful of clean is still protect

Love is not only at eye
Love coming from heart
Let be wrong.. from they eye
Let the different can see... between us.

I hope you... still can accept
Even looking so ugly
Because the real meaning of love
Only we feel it

One day will coming
The light will appear
The door will open
We step in together

That time we can see
The light is bright
The dust be a pearl
The ugly be honor

This is not dreaming
What I sharing
But very confident
Happening

Because of love
The sea will burn
Still I swimming
Confirm!

Woha!

Selain itu, untuk menambahkan kefahaman dalam English, abang juga berpantun dengan orang-orang tua.

Contoh pantun;

The Pandan Island is far from land,
The Daik Mountain has three peak,
Though the body has rot in the sand,
The good deeds are never forget.

(grammar silap sikit sebab nak bagi belakangnya sinomim, adohai)

Terkadang abang juga ada berteka-teki dalam bahasa Inggeris;

1. Which mountain has three peaks?
2. Which island is far from land?

Sesekali, apabila berdiri seorang diri depan cermin, abang akan menari macam Michael Jackson dan menyanyi lagi ini;

You better run,
You better do what you can,
Don't wanna see no blood,
Don't be a macho man,
You wanna be tough,
Better do what you can,
So beat it,
But you wanna be bad,
Just beat it.

Bini abang cukup menyampah tengok ayah tergedik-gedik sepahkan bilik tidur dengan tarian gimnastik. Woha!

Kadang-kadang abang akan berpatriotik dalam Bahasa Inggeris;

Rukun Negara
Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan - Belief of God
Kesetiaan kepada Raja dan Negara - Loyalty to King and Country
Keluhuran Perlembagaan - The Supremacy of the Constitution
Kedaulatan Undang-Undang - The Rule of Law
Kesopanan dan Kesusilaan - Courtesy and Morality

Bila jumpa member-member berpendidikan tinggi yang bergelar pensyarah, doktor atau professor, tanpa segan silu abang akan terus bercakap dalam bahasa Inggeris dengan mereka. Begitu juga jika berurusan dengan orang Cina dan India, abang akan speaking dengan mereka. Malahan dengan kucing yang curi-curi masuk rumah pun abang akan halau dalam bahasa Inggeris. Malah sesekali bila berasmaradana dengan bini, kami speaking juga. Woha!

Dan pengalaman yang paling bernilai dalam hidup ialah ketika para pendakwah dari luar negara datang berdakwah di kampung maka abang akan menjadi pengalih bahasa untuk orang kampung yang tak tahu berbahasa Inggeris. Begitu lebih kurang…

“Alhamdulillah, Allah puts the success of human’s life in this world and the hereafter only in the perfect religion. The Perfect religion is carrying out all of the commandments of Allah following the way of Rasulullah S.A.W. All of the companions of Rasullulah have had the perfect religion in their life, It was mainly because all of them had six noble qualities with them. If we want to have the perfect religion in our life, we should follow the footsteps of those successful people by making effort to obtain and bring the six qualities into our life. If we have these six noble qualities with us, we will also be able to practice the perfect religion in our life easily…”

Alkisahnya, Pada suatu hari, ketika rancak berborak dengan kawan-kawan dalam bahasa Inggeris yang berterabur tapi janji faham, maka terciptalah satu teori baru dalam hidup abang. Kawan-kawan abang bila belajar bahasa Inggeris mereka ada target atau measurement masing-masing dalam menentukan setakat mana pengetahuan mereka dalam bahasa ini telah tercapai.

Sesetengah mereka menganggap sudah pandai berbahasa Inggeris apabila boleh berborak dengan pelancong asing. Ada pula yang merasakan mereka sudah fasih berbahasa ini apabila boleh menyanyi lagu Inggeris dan pada masa sama faham maksud tersirat. Ada yang anggap mereka sudah pandai berbahasa Inggeris apabila boleh mengarang resume sehingga diterima kerja. Selain itu, ada yang menganggap mereka sudah fluent English apabila boleh membaca novel barat tanpa merujuk kamus dan lain-lain.

Tapi abang lain, abang ada target tersendiri dalam menentukan setakat mana pengetahuan ayah dalam Bahasa Inggeris tercapai iaitu…

(bersambung...)

Dipetik dari buku Hamka keretamayat
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.
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Okey belanja sikit lagi...

Tapi abang lain, abang ada target tersendiri dalam menentukan setakat mana pengetahuan abang dalam Bahasa Inggeris tercapai iaitu…

Abang Mesti Bermimpi Dalam Bahasa Inggeris!

Maka untuk itu.., pada suatu hari yang lain

(Sekarang baru betul betul bersambung)

Woha!

(cerita penuh kisah ini ada dalam buku Hamka keretamayat-Ngeteh dikubur ayah)

Buku ada stok.

Semusim di Syurga- kisah penduduk kuala syurga dan masalah agama.

Kisah laki bini-cerita pasangan membantu cinta dalam masa tiga hari.

Kisah anak bini- kisah anak tanya soalan pelik tapi di jawab oleh ayah dengan bergaya.

NGETEH di kubur ayah-kisah surat dari kubur kepada masyarakat kebanyakkan.

Kerana dia anak syurga:-kisah 12 parent OKU berdamai dengan takdir.

No wasap untuk order abang mayat share dekat first komen.

Don't say abang not umbrella.. ella..ella.. umbrella.. ella.. ella..

Woha!

《玳瑚師父的看見（四）》(English version below)
THE SIGHTINGS OF MASTER DAI HU 4

在十五前，吾常光顧一間叫「翡翠上海小籠包」的中餐館。它的正對面開有一家，在日本赫赫有名的POKKA CAFE。吾，玳瑚師父，是一位懂得吃的人。而真正懂得吃的人，不會侷限於某一種菜色。中餐、西餐、日本餐、義大利餐、韓國餐、泰國餐、越南餐、印度餐等等，吾一律接納。喔！這麼多的美食當前，衣服與地上，沒有半點痕跡，可見吾的內力，著實不淺啊！（一笑）後來爲了吾的客人，有較安靜以及較舒適的環境，吾才開始踏入日本POKKA CAFE。

在這間咖啡屋，吾享用到甚有水準的夏威夷義大利麵，以及吾超愛的奶昔。單單這兩樣飲食，吾已留連忘返。也因爲這樣，專業的助理領班，見吾到來就曉得吾會點什麼。若吾沒見客人時，大多數都是自己，一個人前來用餐。助理領班與其下屬，就乘機過來與吾聊幾句。漸漸的我們就較爲熟路了，她就向吾傾訴有關這裡的經理，名不副實。雖貴爲經理，卻不以身作則的帶領其下的團隊，把這間日式咖啡座給打理好，反而遲到早退，繁忙時不見人影，愛與美眉講黃色笑話，等等。吾聽了問她難道老闆不知嗎？她告知吾日本公司不裁退職員的。吾見她懷才不遇，但卻是一個勤奮有責的好員工。於是吾就運用吾的眼力，望一望那經理一眼，然後跟她說，那經理很快就會被裁退的。事實經吾預言後不久，那經理真被公司給辭退了。

在東北地區的一間組屋單位，吾受邀來此提供問事。欲問事的並不是，女屋主本人，而是她多年的女人。吾落座於她客廳的沙發，一邊與她閒聊，一邊等她的友人回來。等了好一會兒，她的友人終於歸來。這名女屋主是女傭介紹公司的老闆娘，故家中會有幾位在培訓中的女傭。其友人問完後，吾看見女傭群中，有一位較「特別」的女傭，正對著吾微笑。因為她的「特別」，吾就立馬囑咐女老闆，一定要將這位較「特別」的女傭，留在她身邊，勿將她推介出去。女老闆當然問吾為什麼，記得吾當時告訴她說，這位女傭未來會很幫得上妳。若干年後，她命逢劫數時，身文只剩四十元，這位女傭不只陪伴她，沒有離她而去，還自掏腰包買飯給她吃呢！這些是她親口告訴吾的，她感謝吾，也終於明白，為何當初吾囑咐她，一定要將這位較「特別」的女傭，留在她身邊。

每個人的善惡，每個人的動機，每個人的未來走勢，都已「寫」在其臉上。懂得看的人，才是能稱得上察顏觀色的高手。也算是他她心通了。人的臉就好比氣象局，當一個人悲傷欲流淚之時，其臉必是陰天。當一個人要捉狂發怒時，其臉必呈現狂風暴雨、或龍捲風、或落上風、或雷霆萬軍之相。（一笑）當一個人開心快活時，其臉必是晴天，甚至是豔陽高照。當一個人在密運中，其臉必是春天。當一個人事業有成、生意賺錢之時，其臉必是夏天。當一個人滿懷心事時，其臉必是秋天。當一個人困難重重、身體有恙之時，其臉必是冬天。那位POKKA CAFE 的經理，臉色已入秋冬，因此吾狠批他即將被裁退。那位較特別的女傭，臉色呈晴天，因此吾囑咐女老闆，將她留在自己身邊。若你妳有用人之惑，玳瑚師父是你的首選。

......................

I used to frequent a Chinese restaurant named Crystal Jade Shanghai Xiao Long Bao about 15 years ago. Opposite this restaurant was another eatery, Pokka Cafe, a renowned restaurant in Japan. I, Master Dai Hu, am someone who knows how to eat. A person who truly knows how to eat will not restrict himself/herself to one particular cuisine. I accept all types of cuisine: Chinese, Western, Japanese, Italian, Korean, Thai, Vietnamese, Indian, etc. Wow! With such a huge spread of cuisine in front of me, yet there isn't any trace of saliva on my shirt or on the floor, this shows how strong my inner strength is! (laughs) Out of consideration for my clients, that they may have a more serene and comfortable environment, I started to patronise the Pokka Cafe of Japan.

At this cafe, I enjoyed their high-quality Hawaiian spaghetti dish and my favourite milk tea. These two dishes always have me going back for more. As such, the professional assistant captain would straightaway know my order when she saw me. When I was not meeting clients, I would dine there alone. The assistant captain and her staff would seize the chance and come over to chat. Soon, we got on more familiar terms. She then told me about the restaurant manager whom she said was not living up to his title. Despite being a manager, he did not set a good example. He failed to lead his staff and mange the restaurant well. Instead, he would come to work late, leave early, and often disappeared during the restaurant’s peak period. He also enjoyed telling dirty jokes to young pretty female staff, etc. After listening to her, I asked if the boss knew about it. She replied that it was not the culture of a Japanese company to dismiss its employees. I saw that she was not recognised for her contribution despite being a responsible and hardworking staff. Therefore I use the prowess of my sight and took a glance at the restaurant manager. Thereafter, I told the staff that the manager would soon be made redundant. The truth is, not long after my prediction, the restaurant manager indeed got the sack from the company.

I was invited to a flat unit situated in the North-eastern part of our country, to provide divination service. The session was not meant for the lady owner of the house, but for a lady friend whom she had known for many years. I was seated on the sofa, and chatting with the lady owner while waiting for her friend to arrive. We waited for some time before her friend finally came. The lady owner was the boss of a maid agency, and that explained the many maids undergoing training in her house.

When the session with her friend ended, I spotted one particularly “extraordinary” maid among the group smiling slightly at me. Because of her "extraordinariness", I immediately advised the lady owner to keep this maid by her side always and not refer her to others. Naturally, she asked me why. I remembered telling her, " This maid would be of help to you in time to come." Many years later, misfortune struck and this lady boss was left with only $40 in her possession. This maid not only stayed with her but also bought meals for the lady boss with her own money. The lady boss recounted this incident to me and was grateful for my advice. She finally understood the reason for my advice to keep this “extraordinary” maid by her side.

Our every deed, virtuous or non-virtuous, our every motive and future development, are all clearly “written” on our faces. One who knows how to read these signs can be regarded as an accomplished face reading expert. This ability is also known as having the penetrating knowledge of the mind. A human's face is like a weather station. When a person is grieving, the face shows a gloomy day. When a person is enraged, the face is stormy with hurricanes or roaring with thunder. (laughs) When When he is happy and joyful, the face will show a clear day, with even the sun riding high in the sky. When he is in a romance, the face will show signs of Spring. When he is successful in his career and his business raking in the profits, it is summer time on the face. When he is pensive and worrisome, the face becomes autumn-like. And when he is fraught with challenges and stricken by ailments, the face will manifest the winter season. The face of the Pokka Cafe’s manager was showing auras of Autumn and Winter. That was why I boldly predicted that he would lose his job soon. On the other hand, the face of the “extraordinary” maid was showing a clear day. Hence I advised the lady boss to hold on to her. Should you have doubts on who to employ, I, Master Dai Hu, am your first choice for advice!

*********************

【開放預購】PRE-ORDER OPEN
《向善向上 2》Towards Kindness, Towards Betterment 2

心可造天堂，心可造地獄。
改命必從心起，改運必先行動。

30則真人真事的度眾故事 30 real-life deliverance stories of Master Dai Hu
全彩色的漫畫 Comics in full colour illustration
中英文翻譯 In both English & Mandarin
192頁 192 pages

此書將於2018年11月底印刷完畢，目前開放預購，預計12月15日之前以Smartpac寄出 （本地郵寄），屆時也會在台灣金石堂書局同步上架。價格大眾化，包涵全球運送，無需再付郵資。

歡迎大家踴躍支持，人手一冊，也可將此書贈送給鄉親父老、親朋好友，帶領他們向善向上，迎接更美好的未來！

https://booklaunch.io/masterdaihu/towardskindness2

.

The mind can create Heaven. It can also create Hell.
Transformation of your destiny begins from your mind.
Transformation of your luck begins from taking action.

My new book should reach the shores of Singapore in 1st week of December 2018. Pre-order is now open and the books are estimated to be mailed out through Smartpac, by 15 December. At the same time, it will be on the shelves of Taiwan KingStone bookshops.

The economical price includes global delivery (Smartpac mailing for Singapore addressees, registered mail for overseas mailing).
Looking forward to your enthusiastic support! May everybody has a copy and gift copies of this virtuous book to your family and friends and together, embrace a beautiful future!

https://booklaunch.io/masterdaihu/towardskindness

“On the contrary, most local comedians who do their shows in English or Malaysian-English tend to resort to crude, rude, insulting or racist humour which many would find offensive and in poor taste. While a specific audience may find this amusing, they would not appeal to a broader audience.”

The above is an excerpt from an opinion letter to The Star by A Moreton-Shabirin of Kuantan written on 7 November 2018. The title of the piece was “Offensive humour is not funny.” Link attached.

Firstly I want to put it out there that I appreciate the opinion and more so, the desire to discuss the state of comedy in a national paper. Lord knows we could use the publicity! Thank you so much. Back to the opinion piece— it is a valid opinion but one that I find myself unable to fully agree because ‘offensive’ or ‘rude’ felt like a generalisation here. So here are my thoughts.

This matters to me because I am part of the young but hungry comedy scene in Malaysia. 10 years ago, there was only one show a month, TimeOut KL Comedy Thursday, with only five to eight regular aspiring-comedians. Presently, while comedy venues/clubs are closing down in regional Singapore and Hong Kong, Malaysia has Crackhouse Comedy Club, operating at least 5 days a week, on course to celebrate their fifth birthday in 2019 and another full-time comedy club, Joke Factory. We are thriving, baby!

Number of comedians have risen close to the sun as well. I worked on a stand-up comedy TV show, Sedapnya Mulut, produced by my friend Shamaine Othman, where 42 comedians, new and haggard, were involved in. That’s 42 comedians okay-ed for the Malaysian TV masses!

As a storyteller, comedian, person, one of your most accessible yet valuable possessions are your stories and experiences. The writer wants to hear them all— BUT CLEAN! I think that is non-starter approach to comedy. My favourite comedian, Mike Birbiglia, said, “All jokes are offensive…to someone.” in his special ‘Thanks God For Jokes’ which by the way, is an ESSENTIAL viewing for the writer (it is on Netflix and I implore you to watch it when you find the time). Birbiglia was addressing the Charlie Hebdo incident where 10 satirist/comedy writers were murdered.

Comedy always has a victim. Wait, victim is a strong word but I can’t think of another at the moment. Sorry. Anyway, I’m going to prove this fact. The writer names Jim Gaffigan, Michael McIntyre, and Jerry Seinfeld among others who has achieved immense success without the need to be offensive. Great list of comedians. In Gaffigan’s latest (and very good) special, Nobel Ape, (available on Spotify), he has a fantastic bit on massages. It goes, “What do we really know about massage therapist? They like to rub strangers for money, while listening to the Avatar soundtrack. That’s a red flag. Those are the traits of a serial killer.” In this joke, the target, TARGET! That’s the word I was looking for, not victim. The target in the joke are massage therapists but even when put in the context of a comedy show, told by a wholesome father of five, can anyone guarantee no one will find it insulting (offensive)? Not a chance. Micheal McIntyre has a bit on the sport of tennis and cricket having too much ‘faffing’ and goes into a potent physical act-out of all the ‘faffing’ that goes on. The target there are tennis players and cricket players. Comedy always has a target.

Seinfeld swore on stage early in his career but decided to stopped. He discussed this in yet another ESSENTIAL viewing for the writer— HBO’s ‘Talking Funny’. On the flip side, Pete Holmes, another comedians refrained from swearing on stage to be ‘wholesome’ and ‘clean’ but finally found his stride when he let loose and started swearing (like a sailor). He discussed this on Mike Birbiglia’s recent podcast, ‘The Old Ones’.

I have seen crude, racist, dirty or insulting comedy on the Malaysian stage. I don’t agree with all of it but I understand because I started there too. I thought a joke was more likely to land when you draw from a shared pool of knowledge. For me, the shallowest, closest part of the pool would be our multiculturalism— Chinese are like this, Malays are like that, Indians are forgotten.

Eventually I grew out of it, and pride myself a clean comedian for many years. But this year, I caught myself swearing on stage. I was a bit upset but it also felt natural to me. Swearing existed in my psyche, in my thoughts, so why shouldn’t it exist in my words given the right circumstances like a comedy show marketed to 18-and-over only? Did it hurt anyone? I don’t know. Is it a big deal? No, I don’t think so.

Maybe the comedians the writers had watch here were aspiring comedians like myself, 10 years ago. Green and unsure of their voices yet. That’s okay. But I want to assure the writer that while the stand-up comedy stage is the closest semblance to freedom of speech, we draw lines that cannot be crossed. I have seen people get thrown off the stage for performing chauvinistic, bigoted material. Back when I started and operated the once-a-month comedy show, there was a bigot who’s whole set was women-bashing and so we pulled him off the stage. Months later he came back, told us he had a ‘new set’ and that he learnt his lesson. We let him back on stage and he had replaced women-bashing with Muslim-bashing. Alamak!!! What did we do? We banned him from ever performing on our stage. (Comedians of 2010s, remember this buttface?!)

I really like that the writer is a comedy fan. I don’t even know all the comedians he’s named! The vastness of knowledge is such a beautiful thing.

But I have to say that this difference in opinion is in some ways our doing as well. Whenever someone says “comedy in Malaysia”, the sad sad truth is what it really means is “comedy in KL/PJ”. After all, Crackhouse is in TTDI KL, Joke Factory is in Publika, KL. The myriad of open-mic shows are all in KL/PJ. Why haven’t we in the last 10 years been able to built a sustainable route to more cities around the country? This is a conundrum that upsets me and one I hope to fix.

I do want to do my part so here’s a promise: The one-hour show that I wrote this year, Electric Butterflies, has been booked to perform in Adelaide and Edinburgh in 2019 but I have also started putting together a national and regional tour route. I promise the writer, I will bring the show to Kuantan! Please come! But, be warned, comedy always has a target!

Till next year, don’t stop watching comedy. Trust me, like the rest of the world, you WILL grow to like our jokes.

Jenhan