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'Zemian' is the Payuan word for circle dancing. For Indigenous Peoples' Day in Taiwan, Bach Project Taipei partner Abao阿爆（阿仍仍） has released this 360-degree performance video, envisioned as a circle open to all people. Have fun exploring and be sure to look up after the 1:20 mark!
【我親愛的Zoom視訊客人們】
To My Dear Zoom Clients
我忍了真的⋯⋯真的⋯⋯很久，今天過後實在忍無可忍，一定要叮嚀所有過去和未來的客人們。
我年紀很大了，受不了太大的刺激。
拜託，你們可以Zoom好來嗎？😓😑
一、Zoom視訊的視角 = 拍護照照的視角
護照自2020年起就已成為古董，但大家這一生應該有拍過證件照吧！
對了，就是要頭髮整齊，讓我看到你的雙耳、雙眼、鼻子、嘴巴、頸項和肩膀，到胸部。
我批八字時，需要看整個面相。不要讓你一半的臉掉出鏡頭外，這樣很像鍾無艷，也不要嘴巴不見掉，這樣我很像在跟一條羅漢魚視訊。
我看面相包括看你的嘴巴、牙齒和說話時的嘴形。是的，看相就是需要那麼仔細。
如果你的螢幕太低，那就找書本或舊報紙，把螢幕墊高一點。別讓我整一個小時半只看到你的雙下巴，會把你的面相比例給看錯。
不要一直告訴我不好意思，方法是人想出來的。
•
二、光線
太暗，我看你如見鬼。
太亮，我會看不清你的膚色。
拉開窗簾，不要背向陽光。
有必要的話，就直接開燈！
•
三、勿放什麼椰樹沙灘/金門大橋的虛擬背景圖
什麼虛擬背景圖都不要放啦～
我的家美最重要，我不在乎你的家美不美，我只是來看命的。
如果你的Wi-Fi不是很強，電腦功能不是很厲害，這類的虛擬背景圖會讓你的視訊畫面卡卡的。
有時你轉個身，整個右邊不見了，或部份的頭髮少了，讓我覺得我好像在看恐怖片，嚇人啊～
•
四、環境和聲音
有些海外客人其實非常用心。為了與我視訊，特別去買有麥克風的耳機🎧，讓我能更清楚的聽到他們的聲音。😍
沒有使用耳機和麥克風的客人，往往他們的聲音會有種空氣般的回音，如果他們本身講話又小聲，我的耳機聲量開滿，我還是聽得滿辛苦的
也有香港和馬來西亞客人租過會議室、鐘點房間或單人工作室，就是為了不受家人的干擾，能安心的與我視訊。😍
最有趣的是，去年新加坡阻斷措施時，有位男客人跑到屋外的走廊坐在地上與我視訊。只是外頭風聲有點大，我好幾次都聽不清楚他的聲音。
曾有客人在咖啡廳與我視訊。咖啡廳裡的高談闊論聲和器皿的敲擊聲，頻頻從我的耳機闖進我的耳朵，哇～我的耳朵那時真的是活受罪，還要裝一副氣定神閒的樣子。
天啊，兩次過後，我寧願退錢，也不再見這樣的客人了。耳朵只有一對，我要保護好啊！
在這裡聲明：一般我們買手機時的那種有麥克風的耳機，就已能視訊。沒有戴耳機和麥克風的客人，我一概會拒絕諮詢，把費用原銀奉還。
五、孩子
曾試過諮詢的前20分鐘，一直被女客人的小孩打擾，進來哭著要媽媽主持公道。
如果你家中有六歲以下的兒童，會時不時來敲你的門，我建議你還是先別約我。你這樣會分心，無法聽好我交代的事，而我也得一直等你去安撫你的孩子，就無法在限定時間內看完你的八字，這樣對誰都不公平。
六、我只見客人一人
這個規矩，從我一出道就定下來，也清楚的寫在網站上，根本不用一而再的來試探水溫。
但這兩個星期，還是有客人硬闖關，事先安排自己的配偶/孩子坐在電腦的另一面，要他們聽我講他的八字。
我從不改我的規矩，也沒有八字或風水是我非看不可的。
讀書這麼高，連自己的命都不能自己負責，這已經不是能改到命的人了。
你一定要你的配偶陪你聽，那你需要的不是我來教你改命，是你的配偶來安你的心。
將來若還有這樣的事，我會直接中斷視訊，把錢退回去。
七、「我第一次用Zoom！」
可是從報名那天到今天的諮詢，你有兩個月的時間去摸索。
兩個月，怎麼還是錯誤百出？因為客人根本沒有事先準備和練習。
結果我就這樣等了20分鐘，還得等對方下載軟件。
Zoom不難使用，但如果是你沒有花時間去摸索，就不要撒謊，直接說，我就直接退現錢。
品德是改命的資糧，不要為了自己能脫身就隨便編一個漏洞百出的謊，還說自己是好人。這...不會臉皮太厚了嗎？
小事都不願做好，絕對不會成大器。
八、暈車
有些客人用Ipad或手機來視訊。
重點是，他一支手拿著手機，一支手拿筆寫筆記。他一邊寫，另一支手就一邊搖晃。他做在床上，移動一下，手機就彷彿大海嘯幾下🌊
我一天如果見三個這樣客人，我的視線就搖晃了5個小時。工作完畢後，頭也會痛得厲害，無法完成晚上製片的工作。
沒有自拍器三腳架，也應該有些書本或東西來頂著手機。
各位，多點善心，為我著想一下吧⋯⋯
__________________________
To My Dear Zoom Clients
I have been enduring it for a really really long time. That's it! I am gonna put a stop to this after today and send out this reminder to all my past and future clients.
I am getting on in years, and cannot stand too much stimulation.
Please.... can you guys do a proper Zoom?
Number 1: Going on screen in Zoom = Taking a photograph for your passport.
Since 2020, the passport has become something of an antique but I believe everyone has taken some kind of ID photos! Yes, the ones with your neatly combed trusses where I can see both your ears, nose, mouth, neck, shoulder all the way to your chest.
I would like to see your full face during the Bazi Consultation. Please don't allow half your face to fall off the screen and you end up looking like Zhong Wu Yan! Please also don't hide your mouth making me feel like I am talking to a Arrowana.
When I analyze your facial features, it includes your mouth, teeth and the shape of your mouth while you are talking. Yes, it is down to such level of details.
If your PC / Laptop monitor is too low, please find a book or old newspapers and stack it on top. Please don't let me only see your double chin for that 1.5 hours, as I would probably get the proportion of your face wrong.
Don't keep telling me you are apologetic. Think of a way out.
Number 2: The background lighting.
Too dark, you risk looking like a ghost.
Too bright, I cannot figure out your skin color.
Draw open the curtains, but don't face your back to the sunlight.
If necessary, just turn on the lights!
Number 3: Background images of coconut trees on sandy beaches or the Golden Gate Bridge.
There is no need to put on a virtual background. I only care about how my hone looks, I am not bothered by yours. I am only here to see your Bazi.
If your WIFI signal or your PC / Laptop performance is poor, using the virtual background can often make your Zoom video choppy. Sometimes when you turn your body, one side of your body or some part of your hair will disappear. It's really like one of those spooky movies scaring the wits out of me.
•
Number 4: Background environment and noise.
Some of my overseas clients really put in effort for our Zoom sessions. They bought a headset with a mic so that I can hear them properly and vice versa.
Those that did not use a earphone or a headset often sounded echo-ish, and if they spoke softly, I would have to turn on the volume on my side full throttle and still have a hard time trying to hear them.
There are some clients from Hong Kong and Malaysia who would rent meeting rooms, hotel rooms or private work spaces by the hour so as to reduce any disturbance from others and better focus on the Zoom session with me.
I recalled an interesting incident during the Circuit Breaker last year. A client from Singapore Zoom-ed with me along the corridor outside his house. Most of the time, I was hearing the howling of the winds rather than his voice.
Some clients sat themselves in coffee places for our session. These places are often filled with loud chatters and the clanging of cups and plates, and my ears suffered terribly. Yet, I have to continue to be seen as composed and attentive.
Goodness me, after 2 of such experiences, I decided that I rather refund these clients and never see them again. I have only 1 pair of ears and I want to protect them at all costs!
A normal earpiece that comes with the purchase of a handphone is good enough for Zoom video calls. For clients who do not have a earpiece/headset and a mic, I would end the consultation and refund the monies.
•
Number 5: Children
There was once where a session with a female client was repeatedly disrupted by her kids, running in crying for their mother to settle their quarrels. If you have children below 6 years of age, and likely to interrupt our session, I suggest you don't book a consultation with me.
You will be distracted, unable to focus on my advice and I have to wait for you to clear up the situation with your children, eating into the allowable time for me to complete the consultation. This is unfair to both you and me.
•
Number 6: I only meet one person, that is the Client.
I have set this requirement the day I stepped into this line of work, and it is clearly written in my booking form. There is no need to try your luck under any circumstances.
But in the space of 2 weeks, there were some clients who rode their luck and got their spouse / child to sit on the other side of the screen to listen in on our consultation.
I never change my stance, and there is no single client that I cannot afford to lose.
If you insist to have your spouse sit in, it is apparent that you do not need me to help transform your destiny. Rather you really need your spouse to put your heart at ease.
If such things happen the next time, I will end the session immediately and refund the fees.
•
Number 7: "My first time using Zoom"
But you have 2 full months to prepare before our actual consultation. You did not end up wasting time exploring the software and I wasted 20 mins waiting for you to download the software.
Zoom is an easy software to use but if you did not spend the time to familiarize yourself with it, please quit the lies and tell me directly. I will refund the consultation fees on the spot.
Our moral ethics serve as the foundation for our transformation. Stop weaving web of lies to get out of sticky situations, and still claim that you are a good person. Isn't this too thick-skinned?
•
Number 8: Giddy spells
Some clients use Ipad or their handphones for the Zoom session. Crucially, they hold the device with one hand, and take notes with the other. As they write, the other hand holding the phone becomes shaky. If he is doing that on his bed, his handphone would shake like a tsunami wave every time he changes his position.
If I see 3 such clients within a day, it would be 5 hours of shaking visuals for me. That would mean a splitting headache at the end of my work day, and not being able to work on my videos at night.
Even if you don't have a tripod stand, at least prop up the device with a book or something.
Please everyone, please be kind and have mercy on me......
最近各種假新聞，特別是某些媒體愛罵媒體不自律，結果自己也做一堆假訊息誤導大眾，不但不道歉還硬要凹。
真的HEN棒捏
幹，地震超大!!!
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Ricardo Milos (香蕉君) 要求大家停止惡搞他！？
看到另一個翻譯的消息我覺得很糟糕，先不管這原文的可幸度有多高，單純看內容很單純就是為了澄清這個MEME的法律問題，結果那偏翻譯文的底下又一堆人對他做出莫名的揣測..
講的好像都是他為了自己的生活跟小孩才要求大家不要惡搞？？
講的好像都是他是為了金錢利益才叫大家下架想要收版費？
在我看來，他只是想要安靜的陪小孩而已，惡不惡搞也不重要，會讓他感到困擾，是因為版權根本不在他身上，他根本不能決定影片可不可以讓大家惡搞。
以下逐字渣翻譯，請大家自己一句一句看，看看香蕉君本人到底說了什麼，有翻譯錯或請多多指正，謝謝。
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Not sure where all these rumors started or why...but I'm doing great I live in Ft. Myers , Florida,
不確定那些流言是為什麼開始的，但我過的很好，我住在 Ft. Myers , Florida (麥爾茲堡是美國佛羅里達州李縣的縣治) 。
my son is 13 now in middle school so I've been a busy dad.
我的兒子現在13歲且正在上中學，所以，我一直在當個忙碌的老爸。
My son is an honor roll student in the gifted program, he excels in sports playing soccer, basketball, & baseball...
我的兒子是個成績很好的資優生，除此之外，他還會玩足球，籃球，棒球等....
（『除此之外』是加料翻譯，為了讓中文唸起來更順以及符合原意）
he's also will be playing the saxophone in the band next year....
而且，他明年還會在樂隊裡面演奏薩克斯風喔...
I've been extremely busy with him & doing some traveling..
有時候我們還會去旅遊，為了陪他，我真的是超級靠北忙的....
I came here to post this message to STOP all the emails about some memes that have been illegally made from a dance video I did for website jockbutt dot com..
我來到這邊（YAHOO GROUP）發佈這則訊息，是為了停止某些違法從我為 jockbutt 做的舞蹈所產生的謎因內容的EMAIL諮詢
I was paid for that performance & signed a release for jockbutt dot com ONLY to use that material....
這段影片中的表演我是有收到報酬並且與對方簽約的，所以，『只有』jockbutt 有權力使用這些素材....
Anyone using that imagery is using it unauthorized for which legal procedures will take place to have them removed...
任何一個人使用那段素材都是未經授權的，他們將會透過法律途徑把這些內容移除....
--
原文在這邊雖然並沒有『他們』兩字，只說了法律途徑會把這些內容移除，但為了讓看的人好董....嗯
--
Thank you to all my fans who contacted me about this meme thing, however it BENEFITS me in no way..
感謝各位聯絡我的粉絲，然而，這些事情對我一點『益處』都沒有...
This is my official statement , to clear up all speculation on my well being..
這是為了澄清『所有』有關於我的流言所作出的正式聲明...
Thank you
Ricardo Milos
（最後兩句不用翻譯了吧？？）
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所以，整件事情應該是 jockbutt dot com 看見影片暴紅卻沒有從中獲利而森77，因此想要透過法律把獲利撈回來
但即使要告，我覺得也不可能告得贏，這版權問題跟帝國毀滅的惡搞有87%像了
大家都看過惡搞元首系列吧？
那時候片商告下去之後造成跟多惡搞風波，而最後，這些惡搞也得到的法院的認可，詳細自己去看，不要無腦刷留R（完了，看不到了，之類的）
然後，翻譯的首要條件肯定是意思不能偏，而品質的好壞就看翻譯之後的句子順不順，有時候難免需要加料才能符合翻譯後的語言，但是加太多又會偏離原意，所以我重新翻譯這篇香蕉君的聲明稿，希望大家把事情看清楚。
最後，感謝大家耐心看完
ㄅㄅ
喔對，某媒體還在說因為紅了才被抄？
違規違法是就是，誰還管你大或小啊，當然到底有沒有違規或違法就不是我們這些鄉民能直接決定的事惹
2021/8/17 Release
🔊New Song🔊原点回避(GENTENKAIHI)🔊Listen Now! 🔊
🎧https://lnk.to/GENTENKAIHIiD
今年デビュー10周年を迎えるきゃりーぱみゅぱみゅが、約1年2ヶ月ぶりとなる有観客をライブを開催。10周年イヤー最初のライブということもあって、きゃりーの気合いも充分。ライブ当日は昼公演・夜公演の２公演が実施され、衣装やセットリストも違い両公演ともそれぞれ楽しめるコンサートとなった。「GREAT INVITATION」〜華麗なる招待〜をコンセプトに、モノクロの70年代の映画のようなオープニングVTRが流れると、パーティをまちわびるきゃりーの姿が映される。１年ぶりに華麗なる招待の電話が鳴るときゃりーがカラーに色づきライブの幕が開く。コロナ禍であろうと絶対に楽しいパーティにするという、きゃりーぱみゅぱみゅの強い意思がみなぎったライブとなった。なお、本公演は新型コロナウイルス感染症防止に配慮した形で行われ、観客はハンドクラップやペンライトを振ってライブを楽しんだ。
また本公演の一部を無料映像サービス「GYAO!」ならびにソフトバンクのコンテンツ配信サービス「5G LAB」にて独占配信中！
GYAO!：https://yahoo.jp/jk61ht
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Kyary Pamyu Pamyu to celebrate the 10th anniversary of her debut
Kyary Pamyu Pamyu celebrates the 10th anniversary of her debut this year and held live performance for the first time in a year and two months on 17 April 2021. Since it was the first live of the 10th anniversary year, she was full of spirit. The live consisted of matinee and an evening shows where you could enjoy unique costumes and music setlists respectively.
When the 70's movie-like monochrome opening VTR is played, the appearance of Kyary getting excited about the party is projected. As she received a great invitation phone call of a party, the world turned colorful, and the show began under the theme of GREAT INVITATION. Despite the uncertain time during the Covid-19 pandemic, she determined to make the party fun. The shows were held under Covid-19 restrictions and the audience enjoyed the live performance by handclapping and waving penlights.
You can stream a part of the live exclusively on the free video service "GYAO!" and Softbank's content distribution service "5G LAB"!
Information
KYARY PAMYU PAMYU PREMIUM LIVE GREAT INVITATION
GYAO!：https://yahoo.jp/jk61ht
VENUE：EX THEATER ROPPONGI
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◆きゃりーぱみゅぱみゅ 公式サイト http://kyary.asobisystem.com
✨請點開資訊欄 ✨
Hey Guys!! 今天這支影片花了我九牛二虎之力才成功上傳 （嗚嗚）
除了錄製的過程狀況百出之外，剪接也是有臨時的問題不得已拖到今天才上傳～～真不好意思讓大家等這麼久😭😭希望不會太晚還是來得及讓大家買！！
今天的清單太長了～～下面只放了 臉部化妝品＆頭髮產品
所有的臉部保養品都放在留言區唷！
----------------------------
✔️ＰＲＯＤＵＣＴＳ ＭＥＮＴＩＯＮＥＤ
化妝品
粉底：
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遮瑕：
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蜜粉/粉餅：
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定妝噴霧：
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眼影打底：
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睫毛夾：
- SHISEIDO Eyelash Curler
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眉筆：
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- BENEFIT COSMETICS Precisely, My Brow Pencil in #2
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眼影盤：
- TARTE Tartelette™ In Bloom Clay Eyeshadow Palette
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- NARS Summer Lights Face Palette
加拿大Sephora已經賣光了但很多網友通知我Selfridges還有！！！
https://rstyle.me/+Y4jXDspasNUGRKHMt8QcGQ
濃密睫毛膏：
- LANCÔME Monsieur Big Waterproof Mascara
https://rstyle.me/+kEe2_zSIgd9Tp4SG8X20kw
修容Contour：
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- FENTY BEAUTY BY RIHANNA Match Stix Matte Skinstick
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Bronzer：
- FENTY BEAUTY BY RIHANNA Sun Stalk'r Instant Warmth Bronzer in Inda Sun
https://rstyle.me/+JqEWRAi8IqRjVSD5hZ0jEA
- MARC JACOBS BEAUTY O!Mega Bronzer Coconut Perfect Tan in 104 Tantastic
https://rstyle.me/+hIOQ-81XguZiMXT3vmoFuQ
腮紅：
- JOUER COSMETICS Blush Bouquet Dual Blush Palette in Rose Gold
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- TARTE Amazonian Clay 12-Hour Blush in Sensual
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打亮
- LAURA MERCIER Matte Radiance Baked Powder Compact in 01
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唇彩：
- DIOR Dior Lip Glow
https://rstyle.me/+GtaM_GJfv9SyQ6PrkXPaAQ
- NARS Orgasm Afterglow Lip Balm
https://rstyle.me/+hDAO3hi3wwV0hhDVMRCbJQ
- BUXOM Plumpline Lip Liner in Hush Hush
https://rstyle.me/+Fl0_ZyMSNL-xmfVwoEIcGg
- NUDESTIX Cream Lip + Cheek Pencil in Mystic
https://rstyle.me/+REjU7xa_h8LtWTWJIz4nVQ
- NARS Velvet Matte Lipstick Pencil
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- DIOR Dior Addict Lacquer Stick in 620
https://rstyle.me/+A3uCfzxGCwseR_NHmPxGbw
- DIOR Rouge Dior Liquid in 614 Jungle Matte
https://rstyle.me/+310PHGSKT32HWCLf7McXyQ
- BITE BEAUTY Amuse Bouche Lipstick in Pepper
https://rstyle.me/+ZR_JS2jWjwx__B6liSWvsw
- FENTY BEAUTY BY RIHANNA Gloss Bomb Universal Lip Luminizer in Fenty Glow
https://rstyle.me/+KRbTIZzRVCyv1FzpT32yyw
頭髮產品
- CHRISTOPHE ROBIN Cleansing Purifying Scrub with Sea Salt
https://rstyle.me/+YmA8I3hOTq-bmDU4NBbHUg
- CHRISTOPHE ROBIN Regenerating Mask
https://rstyle.me/+-Afmje-QAVszlBcLGdx0hQ
- BUMBLE AND BUMBLE Dry Oil Finishing Spray
https://rstyle.me/+lxCnxKb00Nmxk3xiJ7MBQA
- IGK Protein Smoothing Spray
https://rstyle.me/+CBbSrsukf8IYnhnYiQFmOw
- OLAPLEX Hair Perfector No. 3
https://rstyle.me/+nyH44MhzFx-Fks5_EFgoEQ
- OLAPLEX Hair Perfector No. 6
https://rstyle.me/+C5_erkV4xQS8CxdwpkyHnQ
- GHD Platinum+ Professional Performance 1" Styler
https://rstyle.me/+4GE9tFl6328bYPVmujkoQw
香水：
- MAISON MARGIELA ’REPLICA’ Lazy Sunday Morning
https://rstyle.me/+dY162Iyu3oudxwv7j88f4A
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向音樂追趕了六年的時間，
縱使沒有得到些什麼，
我依然愛妳，Doremi小姐。
〈Ms. Doremi〉
收錄於 茄子蛋EggPlantEgg 2017首張專輯《卡通人物 Cartoon Character》
第 29 屆金曲獎 最佳新人獎、最佳台語專輯
-
〈Ms. Doremi〉
詞：黃奇斌｜曲：黃奇斌、蔡鎧任｜編曲：茄子蛋
Doremi
我如此愛妳
Doremi
妳了解我心意
Doremi
戀愛的酸甘甜
Doremi
驚愛妳袂喘氣
一世人煞煞去
空缺攏顛倒邊
煩惱是越加添
妳是攏總的原因
人講我真正憨
逐工為妳走闖
戀愛不通勉強
這擺我完全跋倒
天底下怎會有妳這款的查某人
我希望妳會艱苦跟我的心情相同
六冬的過去我的生活越來越冷
借問妳甘會知影我這款人的愛情
憨慢駛船卻唸溪彎
心頭若亂就結歸丸
babala….. DoReMi
babala….. MiFaSo
babala….. SoLaSi
babala…..MiReDo
-----------------------------
Doremi
我如此愛妳
Doremi
妳了解我心意
Doremi
戀愛的酸甘甜
Doremi
怕愛妳我不能呼吸
一輩子都搞砸
工作亂得不像話
煩惱增加到無法弭平
妳是一切的原因
人們說我真的傻
為了妳每天奔波
戀愛勉強不來
這次我重重地摔了一跤
天底下怎會有妳這種的女人
我希望妳會難過，就跟我一樣
六年的過去，我的日子越來越寒冷
借問妳是否了解我這種人的愛情
不擅開船卻嫌溪彎
心裏亂到無法打開
babala….. DoReMi
babala….. MiFaSo
babala….. SoLaSi
babala…..MiReDo
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・MUSIC CREDIT
製作人 Producer｜李孝祖 Hsiao-Tzu Lee
鍵盤/主唱 Keyboard, Vocals｜黃奇斌 Ki-pin Ng
吉他/和聲 Guitar, Backing Vocals｜蔡鎧任 A-ren Tsai
/ 謝耀德 A-der Hsieh
貝斯錄製 Bass｜羅晧宇 Joe Lo
鼓錄製 Drum｜賴俊廷 Jean Lai
主要錄音師 Main Recording Engineer｜李孝祖 Hsiao-Tzu Lee
主要錄音室 Main Recording Studio｜好意思錄音室 HowIsIt Studio
混音師 Mixing Engineer｜Andy Baker
母帶後期處理工程師 Mastering Engineer｜Joel Hatstat
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